I’ve wanted to be an author ever since I can remember. Isn’t that true of almost every writer you know?
All that mattered to me in school was that tiny segment of the day when creative writing was the focus. Or when activities for other subjects required a story or a diary entry to be written.
I was so lucky to have amazing English teachers from primary through to high school who all nurtured my love of reading and writing in different ways. When I was 12, I wrote a 60-page story in ‘novel’ format. My teacher read it to the class like a real book. I entered in a local literacy competition and became the youngest student to ever win the award. My parents got me to a take a writing course during the school holidays with a children’s author. The local newspaper got me writing book reviews.
At age 13, I felt like a celebrity author at school. I was the girl who wrote books.
Everyone in my life supported and encouraged me. For that I am truly thankful because it is wonderful to have people who believe in you.
However, when I got to those last few years of high school, I became so entrenched in schoolwork and trying to achieve the best grades, that I let my writing habit slip. Creative writing became a chore for extension English. I hardly wrote for pleasure over the two years I spent working towards becoming DUX of my year group.
After a stint in journalism then accounting (I know, right – what was I thinking?!), I decided to return to my passion and study creative writing at uni. I was in for a shock, though, because I wasn’t used to taking such high-level criticism. I was used to people just liking what I wrote. You can read my post on taking constructive criticism and what I learned at uni here.
Adult life continued to get busier and busier. At one stage I was working three different jobs (hospitality night shifts, and during the day as a medical receptionist and a library assistant). All this while trying to keep studying and build a career for myself at the library. Writing continued to fall further and further down the priority list, especially once I started working on my Masters degree while also commuting to my new full-time job in the city.
I LOVE my job as a children’s librarian, and want to be a storyteller forever, but the more picture books I read to kids the more I realise that I also want to be on the other end, the writing end.
I think a lot of wannabe authors go through a similar thing. We want nothing more than to be a successful author, but sometimes we just… don’t put in the effort.
I think it comes down to being scared of failing. What if we pour our heart and soul into a manuscript and it never gets picked up by a publisher? What if we get published, and then get nothing but dud reviews?
Putting our writing out there is scary, it’s confronting. But I think what’s even more scary is living a life where you don’t follow your passion because you are frightened of failure.
I had this lightbulb moment recently where I realised, as obvious as it sounds, that if I ever want to be a published author, I have got to start submitting manuscripts. Duh.
And when I get rejections, I have to keep refining my craft, and keep trying.
So, I entered a the CYA Conference aspiring authors picture book competition. I also bought tickets for the conference and for two editor assessments. After my assessments, and some revision, I’m going to start submitting to publishers.
Entering the competition has been nerve-racking. I can’t help but feel hopeful that I might get shortlisted – but at the very least, I know I’m going to get some awesome and helpful feedback from the markers.
Seeking out editor assessments is also nerve-racking. But I’m really excited to hear their feedback – I want to learn how to be better.
It”s all about getting experience with the process. It’s all about trying, and building resilience.
I’ve realised that, to be happy, I have to do this. I’d almost forgotten what it feels like to write. I’d almost forgotten that sense of urgency and excitement. That thrill when you wake up at 3am and have to jot an idea down before it’s lost forever in the abyss.
I’d almost forgotten that tight feeling in my chest, that says, ‘This is what you’re meant to be doing. Don’t stop.’
And I’d encourage you, if you have, or ever have had, that feeling in your chest that something was right for you, to keep trying. Keep doing it.
Be brave and put your writing out there. Enter that competition. Submit that manuscript. Seek out editor assessments. Build connections and relationships with other writers and people in the writing community.
Don’t give up.
Lani xx
lanicoles.com 